


Misunderstood

by khler



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 03:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8649814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khler/pseuds/khler
Summary: "Like manila is texting someone abt drag race (like someone who was on her season) n they're talking abt the hair ball also raja and manila r already fucking but then the other person disappears for ages and comes back and starts talking abt the hair ball and is like 'raja cheted' nd manila is like wHAT'raja wtf did you cheat' 'what are you talking about' 'raven told me you cheated' 'what the fuck raven"[alternative title: the fic where manila is an idiot but thats not different to irl tbh']





	

David had been home alone for the first time in a long time – his boyfriend being on vacation – and he'd called Sutan's phone to have something to fill up the silence. Karl had been the one to pick up – stranded at Su's apartment – and was now sorta stuck listening to David's commentary about the episode of Drag Race he was currently on, as he was painting with leftover acrylics from Su's painting session from the other day, on a canvas that had stood untouched as decoration in Sutan's apartment for way too long. David had gone through some unnecessarily harsh critique of the dressed made out of hair – Karl filling in about how incredibly warm they had actually been – before David had drifted back into talking about his boyfriend.

"Oh yeah, Raja cheated." Karl's heart stopped for a minute, his paintbrush clattering to the floor and leaving a bright mark where it landed. David said it so casually, like it was just a thing to mention in passing, no details needed because everyone already knew about that, right?

"He cheated?"

"C'mon, you must know about that, you were there." Karl didn't think to respond before he hung up, and his mind immediately drifted to all those times where Sutan had showed up too late, and how busy he was. He thought about the supposed 'late lunch' with a friend that Su was on right at that moment. Then he- "you were there." He was there? Maybe he wasn't the one being cheated on, maybe he was the cheater.

Oh god. Where they even together? Karl had tried to drag Sutan out to places, to things that would have certainly be considered as dates, but Sutan had always found a way to turn them into evenings at home in his apartment. He suddenly felt weird standing in Sutan’s living room with only a borrowed shirt on, the painting with bright colors suddenly feeling out of place. It was like the sun had gone behind clouds, but to Karl it might as well have gone way beyond clouds, continuing down the horizon and out of the fucking galaxy.

He left the apartment 20 minutes later, dressed in his own clothes but with yellow paint still lingering on his fingers.

Sutan 6:57 PM  
I'm omw home now  
Sutan 7:29 PM  
Are you still at my place?  
Sutan: 7:35 PM  
Where are you? Did you leave the apartment?  
Sutan 7:37 PM  
I thought you said you'd stay here until tomorrow.  
Sutan 7:48 PM  
Karl?

"Karl's not answering my texts" Sutan skipped greeting David as he picked up. He'd gotten home and had expected to see Karl still lazing around the apartment, expected to have everything just like he'd left it. He liked waking up with him, liked forgetting to eat breakfast and instead lying next to each other and talking about things that they didn't know, things that didn't really matter. He liked getting to know when Karl stopped believing in Santa, and when he got his first bee sting, and the story of his last day of school. He could've stayed like that forever. But he'd promised to meet up for a really late lunch with a friend, and Karl had said that he'd stay in the apartment in the meantime.

"That's weird." David clearly did not hear the worry – slash panic – in Sutan’s voice. "We talked on the phone earlier, and he was kinda weird.

"Did he mention something?”

"No. He was painting, and then I was watching your season of Drag Race, and when I got to the Hair Ball episode, he just randomly hung up on me."

"Do you think something has happened to him?" Su knew it was kinda ridiculous to think that something bad had happened to Karl, clearly nobody had kidnapped him, and his phone had obviously still been in the apartment when he gotten back.

"Just relax, he'll probably be back pretty soon."

"Let's go to a club" He had said to himself, and now he was pressed against a wall with a stranger's lips hovering above his own. He'd told him to stop, nothing had yet happened because all Karl could think about was Sutan. He was pissed off, and part of him was convinced that he needed to put his anger into sex, but he knew he should probably turn it into a conversation. He also knew that a conversation would most likely end in a confession, and he wasn't ready to hear it. He didn't want to hear it, wanted to turn deaf ears on I'm sorry's and I didn't mean to's. He wanted Sutan though. With shitty jokes, and way too many emojis in texts, and somehow managing to never cook a meal without managing to burn something. He wanted that, he wanted to keep that.  
He didn't have to push some random guy away from him, the aforementioned guy having already left to find other trade, he didn't have to do anything but get back to Sutan.

 

Sutan opened the door to reveal a more-than drunk Karl. His eyes were glazed and red-rimmed – Su wasn't sure if it was from alcohol or tears – and it looked like he'd run his hands through his hair a few too many times. Karl stormed through the apartment and into the kitchen, not talking to Sutan until he had a glas of water in his hand.  
"I'm a bad boyfriend." He said after he'd chugged half of the content of the glass. Sutan tried to brace himself for the conflict that he'd knew would come. Karl wasn't usually a self-deprecating drunk, wasn't one to pity himself.

"You're not-"

"No, I'm terrible, and I almost do things that'd fuck us up, and then I do things that will fuck us up, and that's okay." He stopped to finish the rest of his glass, and Su almost didn't want to hear what he was going to say, but he thought he could guess at this point. It was 3AM and Karl had clearly arrived from a club, his hair messed up – the entirety of him was messed up – and every word he spilled reeked of regret and ironic humour and Su didn't want to know what was funny about this situation. He didn't want to hear the words, almost stopped paying attention, leaned against the kitchen island and stared at Karl who was stood against the fridge. He didn't want this to hurt, but he prepared himself for it anyways.

"Because apparently, you're worse."

"What?" So maybe Sutan hadn't prepared for the right kind of bad.

"Apparently, I'm not the shitty boyfriend here. You are. But you're not actually," Karl exhaled in a way that could've been a short lived laugh; could have been a noise of disbelief. "Because we're not even boyfriends. We're not even- We're not even dating. We've never had that conversation, we never talk about it. We've never gone on a 'date'. You and I, we're nothing."

"Karl, what's going on?"

"Did you cheat on me? Because I can't- I love you, so much. And you can't do that to me."

"Where is this even coming from? We were- Things were good. I don't need you getting drunk and paranoid, and I don't fucking want either of us because of each other.” 

"David said you cheated on me."

"Well, he's an idiot, because I didn't. " Karl just stared at him in disbelief, a flash of relief overpowered by a look of regret. "Did you cheat on me? Did you decide to cheat on me because you thought it would fuck me over?"

"I didn't-"

"So you were going to? You were about to?"

"Yeah." Sutan rubbed a hand over his face, mostly wanting this conversation to just end, or to never had happened. He wanted to just stop this, to just grab Karl's hand and get him to bed, and wake up tomorrow like this never happened. He wanted to have more lazy mornings, and weird breakfast in bed, and seeing each other as boys, and seeing each other as girls. His chest practically ached over the thought of maybe not having that anymore.

"I was going to. But then I didn't because I'm an idiot, and I love you, and I want to be with you and it's really fucked up that I considered not confronting you just so that we could stay like this for longer."

"Karl, if I cheat on you, you have to leave me. That's not-" Sutan stopped to think about his words. "That's not a healthy relationship. We can't do this if you feel like can't fucking confront me about cheating on you."

"I'm fucking aware." The both of them stayed silent, weighing over their options. Su knew what should happen. Karl adored him, but it wasn't enough or maybe it was too much. It worried Sutan that Karl's first reaction had been to find revenge, and that the idea of confronting him hadn't struck him until it had almost been too late.

“This is fucked up.” Karl leaned his head back against the fridge.

“Maybe we should take a break. Or just break up.”

“I don't want to-”

“Me neither.” Sutan pulled his hands through his hands for what must have been the billionth time, “God, I love you so much. I don't want to be without you.”

“Can we ignore this? Or just, talk about it later.” The both of them had grown tired of this conversation, and honestly Karl hoped that that this was just a blip in their relationship. He knew it wasn't, that it wouldn't be, - this wasn't something that they'd just ignore, not something that would go away. It wasn't the same as politely ignoring a text, or a conversation he wasn't meant to hear. This was something big. Something they couldn't shove under carpets, or close doors to avoid. They both knew that, and yet they didn't want it to end – they knew what the conversation would lead to, and it wasn't pretty.  
They were both tired, heavy lids and bodies exhausted. Sutan would like to imagine that this conversation would go away with a few hours of sleep – he knew better but.

“Let's just talk about it tomorrow.” Karl didn't seem to react at first, but then he looked up at Sutan, the irritation that had been in his eyes were still there, but now hidden beneath layers of guilt. He didn't say anything – neither of them did – as he walked towards the bedroom, Sutan following closely behind.  
He knew that this problem wouldn't go away, but he could at least imagine for a night that it would.


End file.
